Rainbow Babies & Children's Hospital Pediatric Pulmonology Fax Number

When you run across that telltale second line on a pregnancy test, your whole life changes in the blink of an eye. Finding out you're expecting a infant is an experience different any other. You lot'll observe yourself consumed with joy, hope and expectation. Alongside this elation, however, can come up the fright of miscarriage, stillbirth or loss of the baby you've dreamed about and so fervently.

Unfortunately, these experiences are more prevalent than you lot may recall. Miscarriage is the most common of these occurrences; according to the American Pregnancy Association, 10 to 25 percent of pregnancies upshot in this type of spontanous loss. Needless to say, the mental and emotional aftermath can be devastating for parents. How practise they endure the unimaginable hurting and sadness? And what happens if and when they try to have another babe after facing such a crippling loss?

Here, we're highlighting the stories of existent women who have experienced the grief of losing a baby and the happiness of welcoming a rainbow baby. This rollercoaster journey comes with mixed emotions, and many moms describe the simultaneous guilt and promise they confront as they mourn their loss while celebrating new life.

In this article:
What is a rainbow baby?
Personal rainbow baby stories

What Is a Rainbow Baby?

If you've never heard the meaningful expression, you may be wondering: What is a rainbow infant? Our rainbow babe definition is simple and impactful; it describes a child built-in subsequently the loss of a previous baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth or death in infancy. A rainbow baby tin can also refer to a newly adopted child. This symbolic term is given to these special little ones equally a beautiful reminder that a rainbow typically follows a storm, giving us promise of what'southward to come up. Likewise, rainbow babies usher in love and light after a catamenia of darkness.

Having a baby later on losing a previous child brings a broad range of emotions, and many rainbow moms will tell y'all that these feelings are non all positive. Some mothers who've weathered loss and gone on to take another baby feel a tremendous sense of self-doubt and guilt. They fear others volition call up they've gotten over their loss, or that they've moved on and replaced their baby. They worry that having a rainbow infant in some mode dishonors their baby who has passed, and that the joy of welcoming some other child will prevent them from properly grieving. It'due south a lot to juggle and work through, and there's no guidebook to follow. "Have a self-compassionate stance regarding these mixed emotions, knowing that your torso and encephalon are trying to process your loss and your upcoming birth," says Aparna Iyer, MD, a reproductive psychiatrist in Frisco, Texas.

Being significant with a rainbow baby may also introduce an unexpected shift in perspective. Some women detect a renewed appreciation for the otherwise not-then-pleasant parts of pregnancy. Mild morning sickness, for example, may suddenly experience like a reassuring comfort. Moreover, other rainbow moms find themselves slowing downwards to soak upwards the little moments and milestones—a belly kick from a rainbow baby might feel actress meaningful.

On the other hand, some parents going through the experience have heightened anxiety and worry that something could go wrong. "Doctor visits and ultrasounds can be very feet- provoking this time around, which may feel foreign if these appointments felt exciting in the previous pregnancy," says Iyer.

No matter what or how you lot're feeling, know that your emotions are valid. At that place are many support groups available to parents expecting rainbow babies, which can assistance you process what happened and honor your path. If you're experiencing pervasive sadness or depression, talk to your doctor, and if you're having thoughts of self impairment, seek firsthand assist.

A rainbow babe doesn't hateful your loss will exist forgotten. Rather, your rainbow baby will carry the torch of the love y'all'll always have for the child you lost—and when y'all concur that precious rainbow baby in your arms, you'll finally fully understand the meaning of this transformative term.

Personal Rainbow Babe Stories

Nothing can ameliorate describe the experience of having a rainbow infant than hearing direct from rainbow moms themselves. The Bump interviewed several parents who have experienced this unique mix of emotions immediate. These incredible rainbow babe stories are bittersweet and triumphant tales of renewal and healing.

Jessica Kunen's rainbow baby story

Four months after getting engaged, Jessica Kunen and her fiance knew they were set to commencement trying for a babe. "We decided to take a pregnancy test on the morning of June 4, our nine year anniversary of existence together," Kunen recalls. And when they saw the positive line appear? "We were completely shocked and excited." Sadly, their elation was fleeting. A few weeks later, when the couple went for their starting time ultrasound, they were heartbroken to encounter that Kunen's uterus was empty. "There was naught at that place; it was similar a blank black hole on the screen, and our hearts dropped," she says. Understandably, they were confused when the physician told them it was an ectopic pregnancy. Kunen shares, "I naively thought, 'Okay, well, permit'southward just move it from my fallopian tube into my uterus. That's a thing, correct?'" (Unfortunately, it's not.)

Suffice to say, it was a lot for Kunen to handle. "The wave of emotions were so fast; my body and heed were non equipped to process trauma similar that and then quickly." Nevertheless, Kunen put on a brave face to have care of business. She immediately went for bloodwork to check her hormone levels and found out she'd need emergency shots of Methotrexate to terminate the ectopic pregnancy. A few days afterwards she began bleeding heavily, and the trauma didn't stop—Jessica's stomach became distended and she could barely walk. She learned that she had developed a very large blood jell between her uterus and bladder; it eventually passed on its own, only not without causing immense pain. What's more, the physical toll ushered in fifty-fifty more mental anguish. "My heed hit every nighttime corner of depression that I hadn't seen in over a decade. I was like, 'Okay, I live here at present. This is me,'" Kunen says.

Fortunately, her doctor was a beacon of support. She encouraged them to effort again subsequently 1 menstrual cycle, just Kunen needed a bit more time to heal emotionally. "I listened to my intuition and we tried again in October—and our rainbow miracle pregnancy happened," she says. They went for an ultrasound at 6 weeks and were able to run across the heartbeat. Kunen describes the moment every bit "absolute magic." On July 18, she labored and delivered at domicile, in her bed. Information technology was exactly what she wanted for her experience. "As soon as she came out, my husband said she looked like Winnie the Pooh," Kunen remembers. They hadn't settled on a name quite yet, simply, afterward days of "soaking upwards her sweetness… Information technology just stuck." Winnie Oliva instantly became the great joy in her mom's life. "Sometimes you only need a 'win' in life—and she was it," Kunen says.

Jessica Zucker'due south rainbow infant story

The Bump spoke with Jessica Zucker, PhD, a clinical psychologist specializing in women's reproductive issues, including fertility, pregnancy loss and mood and anxiety disorders related to pregnancy. She explained her rainbow baby definition and shared her own personal experience. Her campaign #IHadAMiscarriage, forth with her beautifully illustrated pregnancy loss cards, serve to bring sensation to the issue of miscarriage and create an open forum for word almost the topic without shame or stigma. "In our culture, it's so problematic for people to talk over miscarriages," Zucker says. "The cards were inspired to give a physical style to connect in a very meaningful way. It helps the loved one support the griever."

Zucker worked in the reproductive and maternal mental health field for a decade before experiencing her ain miscarriage at xvi weeks. From the start, her second pregnancy was the consummate opposite of her first. Information technology was trying, and things just didn't experience right. She had some episodes of spotting simply was assured she was fine.

On her drive home from work 1 mean solar day, she started experiencing what she later realized were contractions. It didn't occur to her that she was in early labor. While getting ready to visit her perinatologist one morning soon after, she went into active labor. With the help of her doctor over the phone, she delivered her baby alone at dwelling. The babe, who was far from the age of viability (generally considered to be week 26 of pregnancy), did not survive the traumatic birth.

A few months later, she was pregnant with her rainbow infant, who she delivered without whatsoever medication. Her gut-wrenching journeying inspired her to want to deliver her daughter without an epidural—and then she could experience the precious pain that truly is a labor of dearest.

Zucker's own loss made her realize she wasn't well-versed in the language of loss, which ignited her passion for activism in the pregnancy loss community. She constitute that this blazon of loss tin can exist even more isolating than others; people just don't know what to say, so they tend to withdraw and go silent. "In a state of affairs where a woman has a miscarriage, a later on loss, a stillbirth or an infant loss, people are mortified and bewildered," she says. "We have a hard time sitting in uncomfortable spaces and every bit a event, people go quiet. Is it worse to stay quiet or say the incorrect thing? Being placidity is worse, in a mode. The person who says something that might sting is at least trying, and they haven't disappeared altogether."

Zucker says her rainbow baby story is one of many phenomenon journeys out there, a belief that's been reinforced past the thousands of tweets using the #IHadaMiscarriage hashtag.

Jessica Mahoney's rainbow baby story

For Jessica Mahoney, learning the devastating news that her baby had no heartbeat at nigh 12 weeks pregnant was but the tip of the iceberg. She and her husband had brought their one-year-former son with them to the ultrasound, eager for him to encounter what would probable be the first of several siblings. "I had always wanted to exist a mother, always known I was destined to take lots of children," she says. "I felt like our son Corbin was just the start of all the babies we would welcome into the world."

Despite the immense sadness they felt following their loss, Jessica and her hubby began trying once again. They became pregnant immediately, but that pregnancy also ended in a miscarriage, this time at 8 weeks. After enduring a second D&C (dilation and curretage) then another early miscarriage at home, Jessica began seeing a fertility specialist who was finally able to shed some light on her recurring miscarriages.

Genetic tests indicated severe abnormalities on two of the three babies—trisomy and triploidy, neither of which are compatible with life. Equally a outcome, Mahoney's fertility specialist strongly recommended in vitro fertilization (IVF) with genetic screening, a asking that was denied by her health insurance since she wasn't experiencing an inability to excogitate. Despite this, a blink of hope came in the grade of a round of intrauterine insemination (IUI), resulting in a closely monitored pregnancy into which Jessica placed all her religion.

Tragically, Mahoney and her husband would endure still another heartbreak. "This loss afflicted me the hardest," she says. "I was unable to part following it. I couldn't go to work and I had a very hard fourth dimension sending my son to daycare. I had overwhelming anxiety that something would happen to him, and I was so agape he was the only child we would always have. Following this loss, we went to a support group for pregnancy and infant loss and I started seeing a therapist."

Information technology took Mahoney several months to even consider trying again. Knowing they were at the biting end of their options, she and her husband fabricated the difficult choice to pay for a second circular of IUI out of pocket, which would permit her fertility specialist to submit yet another request for IVF with preimplantation genetic screening to the insurance company.

Amazingly, the IUI turned out to exist the best fiscal investment the Mahoneys ever made, as it resulted in a viable pregnancy that she carried to term. They welcomed a rainbow baby girl who Mahoney says "has been a warrior since conception." Afterward their incredibly tough journeying and the loss of half-dozen babies, their baby girl has made their family consummate, giving them promise equally they await to the next affiliate of their lives.

Heather Hesington'south rainbow baby story

"I've had a multifariousness of jobs that include everything from beingness a professional dancer for the National Basketball game Association to a personal trainer, but more than anything, I e'er knew I wanted to exist a mother," Heather Hesington tells The Bump. But due to multiple job layoffs and two cross-country moves, she and her husband put off growing their family until three and a one-half years into their marriage—and by then, they were more than set up to bring a baby into the world. That excitement turned to frustration subsequently several months of trying without success. Months turned into a year—but then Hesington finally got to alive her dream of telling her husband they were expecting.

"Everything went dandy at our 8-week ultrasound, and we showed the blurry collection of photos to our families on Christmas Day," she says. "I knew things weren't going as planned, nevertheless, the day before our 12-week ultrasound appointment. Afterward some concerning spotting, my husband and I returned to the aforementioned ultrasound room that made the states weep happy tears, only this time nosotros left without that amazing sound of a heartbeat."

Their md idea they lost the baby effectually nine weeks, and Hesington's torso experienced what's labeled as a missed miscarriage. "Nosotros scheduled a D&C for the adjacent day, and that was ane of the hardest days of my life," she says. "The nurses who walked me through the process were encouraging and shared their own stories near their miscarriages and how they both got pregnant again shortly subsequently. This gave me a lot of promise, simply this loss affected me more than I ever imagined it could, and I still grieve the loss of our showtime baby to this day."

Later another total year of trying to get pregnant, Hesington saw a positive pregnancy test and was over the moon. She told her husband correct away, and he insisted on telling their closest friends and family. "I was very open nigh our journey in trying to conceive likewise as our first loss on my blog," she says. "I went confronting the normal trend of hiding feelings and the not-then-perfect times on the net. Doing then was non only therapeutic for me, but it also enabled many others to share their own stories and talk nearly their losses too."

Hesington and her husband decided to get holiday pictures taken in early November, and since she was already vii weeks along, they shot a few pregnancy announcement photos also. They went in for the 8-week ultrasound the next week, but left with scans showing a pregnancy sac without a baby. "Just to be certain I wasn't just measuring backside, we came back the following calendar week for another ultrasound, and there was the tiniest flicker of a heartbeat. We had hope!" she says. "Sadly, at ten weeks, our baby had disappeared again, and this loss striking me just as hard equally the kickoff one."

Hesington says the hardest part of going through miscarriages is the envy y'all naturally develop toward others who seem to effortlessly get pregnant. "During our years of trying, it felt similar pregnancy announcements and baby milestones filled my news feeds just to haunt me," she says. "I was happy for my new mommy friends, simply I as well kept my distance from them when I was going through a crude patch. In fact, I wrote an open up letter about this, also every bit the pregnancy envy I was struggling with."

It took some fourth dimension, aplenty residuum and a lot of support from friends and family, but Hesington and her husband decided to start trying again a few months after their second loss. Simply in fourth dimension for their six-year wedding anniversary and just shy of iii years after first trying to conceive, Hesington learned she was pregnant and wrapped the tests upwards similar a present to gift her hubby in order to share the news. After experiencing multiple miscarriages, it was a time to celebrate, but they were likewise extremely nervous. She wound upwardly having a scare early on on at about 5 weeks and thought she was going to have another miscarriage, she says. She put herself on bed rest until she could meet her doctor, and was shocked when the ultrasounds came out totally normal.

Hesington continued on to take a healthy, full-term pregnancy but was nervous throughout the entire journey. "I was more careful about what I ate and drank (or didn't), and I modified my exercise level down to a much easier routine," she says. "I remember it being a struggle to have joy and grief co-be, but I learned that information technology can and does in my life, even today." Their beautiful rainbow infant, Skyler Male monarch, is a reminder of this truth. "I fall more in love with him every single day, and he is completely perfect in my optics," Hesington says.

"While in that location are definitely challenging moments of existence a parent, I truly believe that everything we went through to finally have him was 100 percent worth information technology," she adds. "I retrieve the journey helps with the harder and lonelier days too. Going through three years of endless tears, prayers and heartbreaks wasn't easy, but that time is what shaped me to be the mother I am to him today. I don't have whatever fourth dimension with him for granted, and I even so think almost those struggling through infertility and miscarriages often."

Felicity's rainbow baby story

Two years ago, Felicity and her husband were ready to have a baby; she assumed she'd get pregnant fast and everything would be perfect. After all, things were already pretty perfect: She was married to her high school sweetheart, they had just returned from an awesome vacation to Mexico, they had dandy jobs, a beautiful habitation and 2 dogs.

Sure plenty, Felicity became meaning easily. She and her married man waited until they were in the "rubber zone" at xvi weeks and announced her pregnancy on Thanksgiving. Merely presently after, Felicity began experiencing some spotting; she woke up i morning with astringent cramping and blood clots. "I remember sitting in the car in silence as we sped to the hospital," she says. "My trunk succeeded at creating a miracle of life, but now my body was declining me and rejecting what it created. I couldn't really procedure what was happening." She walked numbly into the emergency room and presently after miscarried in the hallway.

"The feeling that comes with a miscarriage is different annihilation I've ever felt," Felicity says. "I felt guilty, like I had done something wrong. The feeling was deep, like part of myself had died. I didn't understand my own feelings, and I didn't know how to explain information technology, even to my husband." She went back to piece of work the post-obit Monday and felt like everyone was staring at her. She put a smile on her face and pretended everything was okay—but when it proved too much, she found a closet and burst into tears. What fabricated it worse was that no one seemed to know what to say to her. She admits she didn't even know what she wanted or needed to hear. She dreaded going to work and simply wanted to stay home, to lie in bed and never leave.

But afterward the new year, Felicity and her married man began trying over again. In the jump, they had a moment of joy when they plant out they were pregnant again. Sadly, the moment was short-lived, and she miscarried at 8 weeks.

She remembers lying in the medico'southward office looking at the screen every bit the sonogram showed a blank emptiness, as if they were looking into her heart, she says. This time Felicity and her husband kept the loss cloak-and-dagger (telling but their parents), which proved painful and crushing to hide. "I reached the everyman low that I've felt in my life," she says. "The 'what-ifs' began to go through my mind that summer as I reached what would have been my due date with my first baby. What would my infant have looked like? Would it have been a boy or a daughter?" Felicity began taking medication in hopes of getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy. She also discovered a ministry grouping called Waiting in Hope that supports women as they navigate infertility, loss, miscarriage and adoption. It was just what her soul needed, she says. "At the fourth dimension I didn't realize, but looking back, my miscarriages had taken a toll on me, not only physically merely also mentally. I met women that knew exactly what it was similar to struggle with conceiving. I was not lonely on this journey. They brought hope, encouragement and strength during this hard time."

She found herself living month to month, taking endless ovulation tests and pregnancy tests in hopes of a positive outcome, but each time saw a screen staring back with the verdict "non pregnant." Felicity scheduled an ob-gyn visit to discuss her options but couldn't assist wondering if having a infant just wasn't in the cards. "This was difficult for me to grasp," she says. But a few days before her doctor visit, she felt sick to her stomach, low-cal headed and lightheaded. "Any other month I would have taken a pregnancy test," Felicity says. "Instead, I told myself I was going to expect until my doctor's appointment. Only the day before my visit, I couldn't wait any longer. I took a pregnancy test and 'significant' flashed on the screen." She was shocked, as were the medico and nurses when she explained that her infertility appointment would now demand to be a pregnancy engagement. For the first time, they saw the trivial flicker of a heartbeat on the screen.

Deciding when to announce the pregnancy was confusing. "I wanted to announce right away, since if we suffered another loss, I would want the support of my friends and family," Felicity says. "Just other days I wanted to wait until nosotros were halfway through the pregnancy, or mayhap merely skip everything and become straight to the birth declaration!"

The route from that bespeak on was difficult. She constitute it hard to feel any excitement. "I was robbing myself of the joy I wanted to feel through my pregnancy," she says. "I was afraid to purchase baby things, and I didn't want to decorate the nursery. My husband was the one who started a baby registry and I got an electronic mail invite to join." She fabricated it past xvi weeks, the bespeak when Felicity experienced her start loss, simply her anxiety remained at an all-fourth dimension loftier. She found herself holding her breath at every doctor's visit every bit they checked baby'southward heartbeat.

When she reached the third trimester, she stopped working and remained on modified bed rest to focus on staying at-home. On the last mean solar day of July, Felicity and her husband finally held their rainbow babe Emma Rose in their arms. "She was perfect. She was alive," Felicity says. "There are moments now when I'm up breastfeeding our daughter and she'southward peacefully sleeping in my arms that my tears will roll onto her soft forehead. I found joy again; I laughed once again subsequently I thought I never would. The happiness she has brought is indescribable."

"Though I was never able to concur my two other babies in my artillery, I was always a mother," she says. "I accept two in heaven waiting and one here on earth. I wouldn't merchandise them for the earth. We have weathered the worst storm of all and came out on the other side. It taught me to cherish everything because it can exist taken away at any 2d."

Image: Courtesy Cheryl Heitzman

Cheryl Heitzman'due south rainbow baby story

When Cheryl Heitzman learned she was pregnant with her get-go baby, she had a tough time getting excited. The pregnancy was unexpected, and due to some mental health struggles, she wasn't sure she was quite ready to be a mother. Just she took comfort in the depth of her hubby Ben's enthusiasm, and she tried to put her worries aside. "At our first ultrasound, I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but I knew plenty to recognize that in that location was no heartbeat," she says. "My heart sank, and when I looked over at Ben, with a big smiling withal all over his face, it completely shattered."

Many years afterward, armed with a new doctor and medications that made her feel whole and good for you over again, Heitzman decided she felt strong enough, physically and mentally, to endeavour for their rainbow baby. Her married man was ecstatic, but she was worried, equally and then many rainbow moms are when they begin this journey. Nevertheless, she got pregnant chop-chop; within four months she and Ben were expecting their rainbow baby. At get-go, Cheryl's astringent first trimester morning sickness did lilliputian to quell her fearfulness of miscarriage. But equally the weeks went by and she striking the 12-week mark, she began to slowly relax. She felt babe'due south first flutterings correct at 16 weeks, and says, "Mayhap he knew I was worried and decided to make his presence known."

At 24 weeks pregnant, Heizman eagerly awaits the nativity of her rainbow baby boy. She has started a blog where women can share their personal miscarriage stories and find peace and encouragement in doing and so. She strongly believes having a supportive group to talk to has been a great aid in her journey. As Heitzman says, "Miscarriage is terrible and terribly mutual. Let's talk about it."

These beautiful and moving stories serve as a reminder that you lot are not solitary in your journey. Whether you're expecting a rainbow baby or hoping to welcome one someday, know that there is love, light and promise around the curve. Countless women have gone through miscarriage, stillbirth or tragedy; at that place should be no stigma in your feel and no shame in your want to have a rainbow baby. Remember, there are many resources available to you; don't be agape to ask for assistance or seek out support. And, any yous do, always look for the rainbow after a storm.

Almost the practiced:

Aparna Iyer, MD, is a reproductive psychiatrist in Frisco, Texas. She previously served as banana professor and primary resident at Albany Medical Center in Albany, New York. Iyer received her medical degree at St. George's University in Grenada, West Indies.

Please note: The Bump and the materials and data information technology contains are non intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional nigh your specific circumstances.

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Source: https://www.thebump.com/a/rainbow-baby

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